Birdie Schae had big dreams from the moment she was born in a small town in Belgium. Now an author and student in The Netherlands, she spends most of her time writing love stories, analyzing all sorts of fiction through tears, or listening to a truly concerning amount of music. Smash or Pass is her debut novel.
“Smash or Pass” features a 16-year-old protagonist, Ellie, who is autistic and navigating identity and relationships. What inspired you to center your debut novel around an autistic main character, and how did your own experiences shape Ellie’s voice and perspective?
I’ve always believed that stories with authentic and empathic representation can change the world for the better, so when I decided I wanted to be an author, it was never a question to me if I would write explicitly autistic characters like myself. I wrote about autistic teenagers before Smash or Pass and I’ll continue to do so after! However, I had two major goals in mind when I started writing Ellie’s story. First of all, I wanted to heal my inner child. Autistic children and teens, especially femme-presenting ones, are taught they need to mask from a very young age, all to please the people around them. I was no outlier in this, which is why my second goal was to show autistic teenagers that they don’t need a mask to be loved by the right people. There’s a lot of nuance to this, but I hope that, at the very least, this story will encourage readers to love themselves.
The setting of a beach-volleyball summer camp provides a vivid backdrop for coming-of-age and self-discovery. Why did you choose that environment, and how did you use it to reflect or amplify the emotional journey of Ellie and Sierra?
I speak from experience when I say summer camp can get intense! You are basically surrounded by other people (often strangers!) ALL the time for a number of weeks before you say goodbye (maybe forever?). Apart from being overwhelming, though, this intensity also makes for very strong friendships that develop in just a few days. This is also the case for Ellie and her new friends. Sierra, however, is not a total stranger. She is actually from the same town as Ellie, so they have known of each other’s existence for a long time, but it’s only at summer camp that they start bonding–largely due to forced proximity!
As a young adult romance with sapphic themes, “Smash or Pass” engages with queer representation. What role does representation play in your writing, and what kind of messages do you hope queer or neurodiverse readers take away from this novel?
If I were asked to describe the kinds of books I write, I would say they’re all love letters. In the case of Smash or Pass, it is a love letter to community (among other things, of course). Ellie is not in a good place at the start of this book. She feels like she’ll never be accepted for who she really is, so she has been following a list of rules to make it seem like she fits in. At summer camp, however, she slowly discovers there is a world outside of the close-minded people she is surrounded with in her small high school. I really needed to hear this when I was feeling stuck in high school, so I hope that’s one of the most important messages queer and neurodivergent readers take away from Smash or Pass. Because yes, you will find your people, and they will love you with all their heart!
You grew up in Belgium and currently study Language and Culture in the Netherlands – how have your cultural background and your life in different countries influenced the themes, character dynamics, or voice in “Smash or Pass”?
I never really thought about how Belgium and the Netherlands have influenced my writing. They likely did, as I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I grew up in different places, but this is my normal, so I have no idea what would’ve been different. Of course, since my first language is Dutch, that did have some effects. I taught myself English when I was 12-ish, and even though I like to think I’ve gotten quite good at it, there are definitely things a native English speaker would’ve written much more smoothly. Luckily, I have a lovely US-team that worked on Smash or Pass! They fixed the (many) mistakes I made, whether those were grammatical errors or logistical things that would be unusual in Florida, which is where the book is set but where I have never lived!
Writing a debut novel can be both exciting and daunting. What were the biggest challenges you faced during the writing (or publishing) process of “Smash or Pass,” and what are you most proud of having accomplished with this book?
Smash or Pass was not the first novel I pursued publication with, so when I was writing this book, I didn’t necessarily see it as my debut novel. Honestly, even though I dreamed, I never expected to get to publish a book I wrote when I was 17! But I’m so excited that this is the reality I get to live in, even if it is scary to be perceived at times. There’s so much about this book I’m proud of, but I think most of all I’m just proud it gets to exist. There aren’t that many sapphic and autistic stories out there (which is a problem!), so I’m truly privileged. At the same time, the sapphic and autistic-ness of it all was probably my biggest challenge with this book. While writing, I constantly asked myself: is there even an audience for this? Will anyone care for such a story? But even though the world still tries to tell me no sometimes, I know the truth now. Stories like these are needed, so I’ll keep writing and publishing them for as long as people will let me!
INTERVIEW: YA SH3LF